Overall · Thoughts

#1 The birth of the idea

Bear with me, this is going to be a long post.

As I start to further develop the idea in mind for a month or so, purely with imagination and without researching any case regarding to my idea.

Teenage year

The idea starts with my life experience and observations in real life and also online, I spent my quality time playing online games, so from that perspective I learnt things differently. There was several times that I tried to talk about my real life issues in game but somehow, it turns out some of my online friends talks about themselves more, instead of listening to mine. Also not going to left this out, I have experienced one cyber-bullying, however it was more towards to verbal insult.

Most of the time the bullying was all about verbal insults, and because of this, the words that was being said to me were planted deeply in my mind, thus I have this idea of the word “plant”, from a seed and slowly growing into a plant and it is going to be there in your mind unless you have decided to cut it down or remove it. In all honesty, it affected me a lot and

University year

I would never thought it would be this bad, the environment affected me where the amount of anxiousness and depression led me to a point that everything was demotivating, nothing interest me anymore, lost, mood swings, and impaired judgement. Besides, there was one that I have noticed was one of my friend having trouble to identify the problems she’s having and having suicidal thoughts, it saddens and bothers me to know that.

I have also noticed that the most effective part where people are comfortable opening up online to me rather than face to face conversation.

After a few months earlier, I don’t feel like talking or sharing my problems anymore, but instead I tend to listen to others’ life stories, where I can learn different things from them. Some of them are afraid to share, because majority will be saying that you’re just overthinking, laugh at you or just simply do not bother with it.

I see beauty in negativity

I told myself that it wasn’t depression or something that affects my mental, I was in denial and being in that negativity bubble for so long, I manage to build myself back up from all the negativity, I didn’t run away or give up even though the works that I have produced was so bad, (if to compare with others) and life experience. I’m grateful for what I have been through, because I get used to it and a way to make me learn things as well.

For the interaction, which is one of the requirement in my area of studies

To make it effective and implementing some interactive elements, I thought of having an installation kind of approach to the target audience, because I think it would attract people to try it out.

The amount of negativity from myself and others drives me to do it

I get motivated from the negative energy around me. Because I see myself shared a connection to the issue, also I know how it feels to have these experience and seeing them in a helpless situation, makes me want to help them more. My belief is, If one are already know how it will turn out or feel, please don’t do that to others. Unless one, wants them to learn the hard way.

What I actually want to achieve was to let the mental illness people to be aware of themselves, because I learnt that self-awareness is important, as least you can help yourself when there are no one be there for you and understand yourself better. Even though I do not have medical statement to prove that I have mental illness, I do have these kind of symptoms going on.

So I am taking this chance for I believe everyone deserves a chance to speak from their mind and heart, especially the ones who is suffering to express themselves more.

Last but not least

Again I need to emphasize this, because everyone has their perspective on looking at things so, this is how it will go. I told myself that I want to work on this topic not because of myself, but because I had gave up talking about myself and focus on learning to listen, which I could actually learn something. Thank you, for reading all the way down here, I typed a lot, like a lot, because I’ve always get very sentimental whenever I speak and ended up not saying much.


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